We’ve mentioned some of the emotions associated with grieving; if you haven’t read these yet, then please check them out on our last blog entries, and then join us again here. Now, we are going to discuss a few of them in more detail.
It often isn’t just sadness and loss than you feel when someone close to —or perhaps someone you only knew briefly, but whom you cared about or connected with—passes away. You may feel shock, at first, and numbness. It is important to not berate yourself over this, or seek a way to end the detachment. It would make it harder on yourself to indulge in self-harm, self-medication or any other activity that is painful or unsafe, in order to superficially numb these emotions. Let them pass on as they will; realize these feelings will fade on their own in time, when your mind is ready to handle the grief.
After denial, shock, and grief—or, for some, before or alternating—many people who are grieving experience guilt and anger. Anger is the second of the Five Stages of Grief. Anger involves blame, self-pity or fairness. This anger can produce rage and envy.
Anger will take time leaving behind as well, as it involves letting yourself grieve, and accepting the loss of your loved one—and that loss and sadness are inescapable parts of this world, which is are hard facts to stomach for all of us, especially in these times.
Just like the first blog talked about holding our emotions in, it is imperative not keep this anger inside—take time to vent it, in as healthy way as you can. Do something to release the pent up emotion. Some find journaling, yelling, kickboxing, hiking, or talking it out with a friend or mentor helps. Checking out books on grief, loss, or the cycle of life may help you find some answers. You may find you need time to think on these answers for a while before you can accept solutions. Allow yourself that time.
HH4Heroes Grief Easing Strategy #4
Write a Love Letter. We’ve discussed the importance of writing as a form of release in other blogs contained within this 5-part series. Writing a Love Letter to the person who has died can be a cathartic way to release your anger and anguish over their death. By doing so you have an opportunity to privately express your profound sense of loss. This unrestricted and intimate letter does not minimize their life or trivialize their death but offers a loving way for you to articulate your feelings, the good and the bad as well as the beautiful and the ugly, while celebrating their life and your relationship to them. Being able to write about to person you loved, how you loved him/her and your emotions can offer you insight into your pain and assist you in releasing some of the emotions to help you heal.
For more on grieving, please read our earlier blogs in this sequence. And join us as we continue our grief series.
(If you are suicidal, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides trained telephone counselors 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Crisis help is a phone call away: 1.800.273.8255)
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Independent filmmaker, author, happiness coach and speaker Lisa Cypers Kamen creates these blogs to entertain, enlighten and educate our service men and women along with their families as well as support our troops. To contact Lisa, email her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org and check out her websites at www.harvestinghappiness.com , www.hh4heroes.org & www.harvestinghappinesstalkradio.com.
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Harvesting Happiness for Heroes is a pending 501(c)(3), non-profit corporation. Our mission objective is to offer support services to Warriors and Warrior families challenged by Combat Trauma, PTSD and post-deployment reintegration issues. HH4Heroes offers Battle Buddy workshops, family awareness training, online community support, one-on-one coaching services, as well as retreats for Warriors to decompress from battle and understand the tools available for them to adapt their military skills to civilian society.
Harvesting Happiness & Harvesting Happiness for Heroes provides positive psychology coaching tools to facilitate greater well-being. This communication is provided for education and inspiration. This communication does not constitute mental health treatment nor is it indicative of a private therapeutic relationship. Individuals desiring help for trauma, addiction and abuse related issues or other psychological concerns should seek out a mental health professional.
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