There are a few more ways to handle your anger on a short-term level, besides breaking cycles and stating your needs without blame (please read our earlier blogs if you haven’t caught up to this point yet!).
Daily stress and anxiety can contribute to angry outburst, and so you may want to read our earlier series on these matters. But for now, a few tips will suffice.
For one, practice your breathing. When something upsets us, our first reaction towards anger may be to lash out, vent, or yell. Practice breathing instead, and focus on your breaths. This will give you a chance to not spiral into angrier feelings, and to calm your nerves enough to think about what is really bothering you, and what can be done. Practice deep breathing and pick a number to count to before you react.
Another cause for anger is not seeing a solution, feeling trapped, and having too much energy to boot. So the first way to handle this is to remove yourself from the situation, and find a way to vent. If you are in the middle of an escalating argument, for instance, then first explain your point of view solely on this matter: “I feel we are both just fighting in circles and staying angry. I’m going to leave for a bit to cool down, but I will talk with you about this later.” Don’t keep arguing. If it is your tendency to feel a need to talk and vent, fight this urge, and find someone else to vent to for the time being: a journal, a friend, a Battle Buddy, etc. You can still share your feelings and concerns later, but in a different healthier way. If it is your tendency to leave a situation emotionally and physically, and it is the other still arguing, then do not leave without explaining your motivation. Emphasize you will talk with this person later, and care about their feelings (even if you are, at the time, feeling numb or angry towards them), but that you have to work out your anger elsewhere for a bit.
Then comes the process of clearing your mind and anger palette, so to speak. Do you enjoy running, walking, or kickboxing? Physical exercise not only helps clear our minds and pump endorphins through our system, but will begin to alleviate some of the anger-energy and tension.
If you are in a work situation, then this may need to wait. Find small ways you can relieve some tension: climb the stairs instead of take the elevator, or find a small object to squeeze or (safely) toss around from hand to hand.
Most of all do not use this time to dwell on the situation and bypass all solutions. Think about what your needs really are, a calm and still warm, but firm, way to express this; and what practical steps you can take to smooth over the situation.
Finally, distract yourself. If you are just having a bad day that is escalating into anger, you may need to employ ways of distraction until you can fully address the situation or talk it out with someone. Read a book, begin working on a home project or a hobby, or watch a movie. Release your tension, distract yourself, and clear your mind.
HH4Heroes Anger Management Strategy #9
Good Self-Care is Smart Care. When we are under stress and strain our bodies feel it and our emotional fuse can become short making us more prone to angry outbursts. Making the time to focus and care for ourselves is a reminder that our needs matter, we have self-respect and conveys this message to others. Good self-care positively serves our emotions. Those of us who neglect our self-care place ourselves at greater risk for low self-esteem, greater resentment, burnout and unhappiness.
In order to manage daily life well we must eat, sleep and play well. This includes making time for hobbies, relaxation and relationships. Achieving a happy work-life balance makes us less cranky.
Remember…happiness is an inside job!
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Independent filmmaker, author, happiness coach and speaker Lisa Cypers Kamen creates these blogs to entertain, enlighten and educate our service men and women along with their families as well as support our troops. To contact Lisa, email her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org and check out her websites at www.harvestinghappiness.com , www.hh4heroes.org & www.harvestinghappinesstalkradio.com.
Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio with Lisa Cypers Kamen brings a fresh approach to the airwaves promoting happiness, well-being and global human flourishing by presenting a diverse and proactive collection of the greatest thinkers and doers who have devoted their lives to creating a better world in which to live.
She is an expert in creating happiness, finding pathways to happiness, and building a happiness formula in her Harvesting Happiness workshops. Cultivate a happier life by tuning in weekly click here .Wednesdays at 12:00 pm to 1:00 pm EST. or download her free podcasts by clicking here.
Harvesting Happiness for Heroes is a pending 501(c)(3), non-profit corporation. Our mission objective is to offer support services to Warriors and Warrior families challenged by Combat Trauma, PTSD and post-deployment reintegration issues. HH4Heroes offers Battle Buddy workshops, family awareness training, online community support, one-on-one coaching services, as well as retreats for Warriors to decompress from battle and understand the tools available for them to adapt their military skills to civilian society.
Harvesting Happiness & Harvesting Happiness for Heroes provides positive psychology coaching tools to facilitate greater well-being. This communication is provided for education and inspiration. This communication does not constitute mental health treatment nor is it indicative of a private therapeutic relationship. Individuals desiring help for trauma, addiction and abuse related issues or other psychological concerns should seek out a mental health professional.
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