Each of has our own angry pattern, and that pattern intersects with others. In this blog, we are going to discuss cycles of relationships, and the top two reasons these cycles are perpetuated—blame, and not stepping outside of yourself to change the pattern.
Let’s look back at these patterns and see how they fit into our lives. Our actions provoke others, and they in turn (or first, as your point of view may tell it) provoke us. The patterns can be difficult to break. Perhaps, for instance, you have a significant other who just doesn’t get it. They don’t get what you are going through, what living on base (or waiting back at home) did to you, and refuse to talk about any of your frustrations and concerns. Depending on your pattern, you may react by running away. You just leave for long periods of time, cease to talk to him/her. Or you may try harder to reach them, eventually by growing angry or crying. You may blame this person for your frustrations, try harder to be the perfect partner (and tell them all the ways they are not), or let them take more control over every-day matters; while you stay upset and stewing.
Your partner will then react to this expression of anger with their own response—and a cycle is born, or continues yet again. So how do we cease this cycle?
The first step, as discussed, is to acknowledge the pattern. Once you’ve done that, you can see most clearly what provokes you, and what provokes the other person. Now, let’s be honest: who can you really change? Can you change your partner? Or, if the case may involve a parent or sibling or co-worker…can you change their attitudes and responses and actions? You have tried in the past, and it obviously is not working.
HH4Heroes Anger Management Strategy #2
Beneath the anger lies the sadness. Think about it for a minute. When we get angry we are disappointed that another person or life itself did not meet our expectations or cooperate with our plans. It can be a hard pill to swallow that the so and so who cut you off in traffic did not respect you or your buddy did not make it home from service and you did. These are extreme opposite examples but you get the point. Life, in both small and big moments can and does fail to measure up. The bigger question then becomes, not how do I manage anger and rage but what do I do with all that disappointment? We will devote the next blog series to grief but in the meantime, let’s stay here in the anger.
You do not possess the power to change another. The only person you can really change is yourself. In order for change to take place, you might consider facing what directly lies beneath your anger. Anger, meet your sadness and unfulfilled expectations head on and know that it is ok. By connecting with what is really irritating you down deep inside you can learn from it, let go and move on more happily. By doing so I am not suggesting you ignore or compartmentalize the anger, I ask that you befriend it.
That’s a scary thought at times, so let me throw out a few disclaimers—I’m not saying to be a doormat or passive, or, for that matter, passive aggressive. What I am going to talk about is a healthy way to change your reactions, stop the cycle, and work towards eliminating anger, and getting your real needs met. We will talk about that more in the next blog.
Remember…happiness is an inside job!
Nothing gives happiness life a free gift. Receive your complimentary eBook, Got Happiness Now? Click here for your free copy.
Independent filmmaker, author, happiness coach and speaker Lisa Cypers Kamen creates these blogs to entertain, enlighten and educate our service men and women along with their families as well as support our troops. To contact Lisa, email her directly at email@example.com and check out her websites at www.harvestinghappiness.com , www.hh4heroes.org & www.harvestinghappinesstalkradio.com.
Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio with Lisa Cypers Kamen brings a fresh approach to the airwaves promoting happiness, well-being and global human flourishing by presenting a diverse and proactive collection of the greatest thinkers and doers who have devoted their lives to creating a better world in which to live.
She is an expert in creating happiness, finding pathways to happiness, and building a happiness formula in her Harvesting Happiness workshops. Cultivate a happier life by tuning in weekly click here .Wednesdays at 12:00 pm to 1:00 pm EST. or download her free podcasts by clicking here.
Harvesting Happiness for Heroes is a pending 501(c)(3), non-profit corporation. Our mission objective is to offer support services to Warriors and Warrior families challenged by Combat Trauma, PTSD and post-deployment reintegration issues. HH4Heroes offers Battle Buddy workshops, family awareness training, online community support, one-on-one coaching services, as well as retreats for Warriors to decompress from battle and understand the tools available for them to adapt their military skills to civilian society.
Harvesting Happiness & Harvesting Happiness for Heroes provides positive psychology coaching tools to facilitate greater well-being. This communication is provided for education and inspiration. This communication does not constitute mental health treatment nor is it indicative of a private therapeutic relationship. Individuals desiring help for trauma, addiction and abuse related issues or other psychological concerns should seek out a mental health professional.
Tags: Battle Buddy, battle fatigue, become a happy person, become happy, being happy, book how to be happy, book on how to be happy, Combat Stress, Combat Trauma, creating a happy life, creating happiness, finding happiness, happiness, happiness books, happiness expert, happiness formula, happiness how to, Happiness is an Inside Job, happiness radio show, happiness talk radio, happiness workshops, Harvesting Happiness, Harvesting Happiness 4 Heroes, Harvesting Happiness for Heroes, having a happy life, how to become a happy person, how to become happy in life, how to create a happy life for me, how to happiness, how to live with PTSDX how to recover from PTSDX learning about happiness, Lisa Cypers Kamen, Lisa Kamen, Living with PTSDX making PTSD better, military support program, positive psychology, positive psychology coaching tools, Post deployment reintegration issues, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSDX PTSD Techniques, shows about happiness, talk radio about happiness, TBIX Traumatic Brain Injury, ways to be happy, What is Your Happiness, Workshops, Wounded Warrior